Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Inpsired by other authors

I have recently been directed to a bunch 'o blogs by a friend who has bi-polar...just like me. I was diagnosed ten years ago and since that time I have not spent this much time learning and reading about my illness. As I read the words shared by others I am amazed at how much I have in common with these brave souls who share their thoughts and emotions. One thought that really hit home with me is the difficult distinction we must make between our illness and real emotions. When I get angry I try to stuff the feelings down worrying that I may be spriraling downward into the depression cycle. But people without bi-polar are "allowed" to have feelings of anger so why not me? I'm still learning as the years go by what a fairly normal emotion or reaction is vesus a manic or depressed reaction. I tend to get loud and crazy when I'm manic. Sometimes I feel like I'm positively "buzzing" from the inside out. During those times I tend to be pretty brave about being silly in public or around other people. But that leaves me with a dilemma..."Who am I?" I'm a loud, outgoing person who likes to make people laugh. Is that different when I'm manic? Not really. I just get amped up a few more notches. Oh, and this is where I must insert my feelings about being "shushed". If you go out with me in public...DO NOT SHUSH ME. If you are not okay with who I am then please don't accept an invitation to eat out our see a movie. It's not okay to say to someone "You are so quiet and shy you are positivley BORING.". So why do people think it's okay to to shush someone who is loving life and enjoying themself. Grrrrrrrr, can't we all live in peace.